Bob Dylan Comes to Hogwarts
by Arigirl
Summary: The title doesn't explain everything. r/r.


By: Arigirl

By: Arigirl

Date: 8-28-'01

'Allo! It is time for my first little ficcy. If you don't want to read it, don't. (Horrified screaming in backround) If you do, do! Now that that is settled, lets go.

I have challenged myself to do these things in my story:

1. Mention flying frogs

2. Have someone get stuck in a locker

3. Bring back the Weasley's Ford Anglia

4. Someone has to declare that they love beans

5. Viktor Krum has to have a heart attack

6. Bob Dylan has to Apparate on the spot

7. Ron has to take someone out to lunch at McDonalds

8. Viktor Krum has to have another heart attack

9. Harry has to find out that Voldemort and George W. Bush are the same person

10. Neville Longbottom gets acne

**************************************************************

Deep voice: _Our story begins just outside of Hogwarts on the grounds, between the Quidditch field and the Lake._

Harry: *lays down on rock and sighs* Ron, come here for a sec, would ya'?

__

Ron walks onto the seen

Ron: Harry! I need your help.

Harry: What?

Ron: I need to take you to McDonald's.

Harry: *blinks*

Ron: Pleeeeeaaaase?

Harry: I don't like McDonald's. Dudley threw up on me there once after having twenty-nine Quarter Pounders with cheese and onions.

Ron: *shrugs* So?

Harry: So you haven't felt what it's like to have little chunks of-

Ron: Okaaay, moving on . . . I really need you to.

Harry: Why?

Ron: Does that matter?

Harry: Yes. Couldn't you just ask someone else?

Ron (grumpily): There is no one else here.

__

Bell rings

Harry: You can ask someone in Potions! *Harry's smile turns into a sly grin* You _could_ ask Professor Snape, he'd go with you.

Ron: Ha! As if. Ever since his date with Trelawney went bad, he hasn't gone out since.

Harry: C'mon, we have to get to class.

__

Ron and Harry start walking to class

Harry: Just don't let Snape here you talking about Trelawney, he'll have your head.

__

Harry and Ron walk into Snape's dungeon and take their seats next to Neville and Hermione

Ron: Hi'ya, Neville!

Harry: *rolls eyes*

Snape: Granger! Come up here. Most unfortunatly, your study of flying frogs is the best in the class.

Hermione: *scuttles up to the front of the class* Well, the first thing you have to do is to add three pieces of lacewing . . .

__

Hermione goes on to bore the class for another fifteen minutes, until finally-

Ron (as a frog leaps onto his red hair): ARGGHHH! IT'S A FLYING FROG!!! GET IT OFF!!!

Snape: Twenty points from Gryffindor for that interruption!

Malfoy: *smirks*

Harry: *reaches up to the frog in Ron's hair and throws it at Malfoy*

Malfoy: A pitiful throw. You throw like a girl.

Hermione: Hey! I take offense to that!

Snape: Settle down everyone! 10 more points from Gryffindor for that remark, Granger!

Hermione: But Profess-

Snape: Quiet! Now, let's proceed in this class like we are supposed to.

__

Hermione slumps in her chair, and Malfoy stifles a laugh

**************************************************************

Ron (walking out of Potions): I wonder if he's still in a bad mood about Trelawney . . .

Snape: DON'T YOU DARE MENTION HER IN FRONT OF ME! I'M GONNA' KILL YOU, YOU LITTLE- *lunges at Ron*

__

Snape pauses in mid-air, and Dumbledore walks on to the scene

Dumbledore (in Dr. Evil voice) (A/N: If you haven't seen Austin Powers, or Austin Powers 2, pay no attention to this): I will not have teachers attempting to assassinate students. One million points from Slytherin.

Hermione (in a meek voice): But Professor, you can't do that.

Dumbledore: Oh, throw me a frickin' bone here. * suddenly slumps to ground and starts snoring loudly*

Harry: *shrugs* Whatever.

Ron (in a whisper): Neville-

Neville (also in a whisper): Why are you whispering?

Ron: I don't want Hermione to hear. Now, w-

Neville: Why?

Ron: I dunno. Arigirl doesn't want me to.

__

Evil cackle from somewhere above indicates to Neville Arigirl is listening

Ron: Anyways, will you go to McDonald's with me?

Neville: Well, uh, my acne's really bad, and so, er, I can't go.

Ron: But-

Neville: Sorry

Ron: *walks away to join Harry and Hermione, muttering about modesty being dumb*

**************************************************************

Deep Voice: _Hogwarts is going to take a poll of who thinks George W. Bush should be president, and who thinks Al Gore should be president_

Hermione: I look at this poll! It's so silly. We're in Britan, we have nothing to do with the US, -

__

A clearing of a throat comes from above

Hermione: Well, except that Arigirl comes from the US, but anyway, I don't think we should have to. I mean, look at this poll! Al Gore, George W. Bush… This is odd… Right next to Bush it says . . . *folds up poll paper* Uh, nothing. It says nothing.

Harry: Yeah right. Gimme! *snatches from Hermione, reads, and gasps*

Al Gore

Fill in here -- O

George W. Bush (a.k.a. Voldemort)

Fill in here – O

Name ___________________

Harry (in shaken voice): W-Well, now we don't have to worry about _two _dark lords!

Hermione: Y-Yeah, that's true

Ron: Oh, the humanity! *starts sobbing hysterically*

__

Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle walk on to scene

Malfoy: So, Weasel, Potty and Grange, who did you vote for?

Hermione: We can't tell you th-

Harry and Ron: Al Gore.

Malfoy: _I _voted for George W. Bush

Harry: Him? He's wimpy

Malfoy: Crabbe, Goyle, sick 'em!

__

Just then the Weasley's Ford Anglia comes charging onto the scene, flattening Crabbe and Goyle

Malfoy: *sniffs* Those were my two best henchmen! *out of anger, shoves Neville into a nearby locker*

Hermione: I like beans and I like Ron.

__

Somewhere far, far away Viktor Krum has a heart attack

Harry, Ron and Malfoy stare

Harry: _Why _did you say that?!

Hermione: I, uh, er, Arigirl made me say it! Yeah, that's it. *blushes furiously*

Ron: Riiiiiiiiiight

__

Bob Dylan Apparates on the spot

Hermione: _You can't Apparate on Hogwarts grounds! _How many times do I have to tell you? Besides, I thought you were dead . . .

Bob Dylan (sings): I'm like a rolling stone . . .

Ron (happily): Just because he looks dead, he's really not!

Hermione: I still like beans.

__

Viktor Krum has another heart attack in a different spot

Ron (struck by sudden thought): Hey Bob! Would you like to go to McDonald's? I tried asking everybody, but nbody wanted to.

Bob Dylan: Sure! After all, everybody must eat burgers.

Ron: Cool! Lets go right now.

__

Bob and Ron walk down the street towards McDoanld's

Hermione: Hey wait! I want to go too! You never asked me!

__

Hermione runs down the street after Bob and Ron

Viktor has another heart attack, and dies

**************************************************************

Well readers, (a.k.a. peeps), I met all of the goals, plus an extra heart attack for Viktor! Okies, please tell me what you think by reviewing! If you wanna' flame me, flame me. If you don't, don't.

Disclaimer (time to get serious! *sniggering from background* Hey, shut it!): I own nothing about this except the challenge, my story and my computer. However, I can't take full credit for the story. My brother helped greatly with the story. If you want to contact him, his email address is [alpete@canoemail.com][1]

Toodles!

~Ari

   [1]: mailto:alpete@canoemail.com



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